A Strangely True Answer from a Truly Strange Guy

Chasing the Self

Once one finds oneself firmly embedded in the present either through self-work, exercise(body-work), or as a natural state of being, the next spiritual pinnacle to reach becomes the experience of self.  The self is a slippery thing to get ahold of because when one believes they have attained it it slips right through their fingers and they find they are actually more or less than they  previously believed.  This slippery aspect of the self originates from the fact that the self can never be complete in of itself at any one time.  The self we were yesterday is not the same as today and the same is true of even twenty minutes ago.  One continuously creates the self through experience which arises from the ever-changing self interacting with the ever-changing outside world.  This synthesis of variables coalesces into a state of being where one is experiencing every unique moment through a unique self.  This paradox underlies spiritual living and the growth inherent in it.  The self is continuously created through a lifetime, not achieved all at once.

I believe the true-will is the influence our future self (from the end of our life) has upon the present moment.  The self that has already experienced our life paradoxically influences the path our present life goes through.  This "ultimate" self may not just have experienced our current life path, but, all possible life paths we could have chosen based on any conscious decision we made throughout our life.  So this "ultimate" self which influences us through intuition or conscience knows us better than any present self could.

MXE Methoxetamine or "Robot Kittens"

Research chemicals arrive at a faster and faster rate in order to keep one step ahead of the DEA and their scheduling system.  MXE OR Robot Kittens, as the dealer called it, is one of the newest chemicals out on the market.  It is a near analogue of PCP and Ketamine and has similar yet reportedly safer and cleaner effects.  I tried it once during after a night of mephedrone bingeing when it was new on the market and had a strange yet unquestionably enjoyable experience.  My roommates and I ended up being the life of an alcohol filled party next door while also being able to enjoy a trippy experience of watching the visualizer while listening to electronic music.  It was strange how at the party we attended our minds felt utterly empty yet we always had something witty to say to each other or to any drunken reveler we engaged.  The strangest part of the night was our short trip to 7-11 4 blocks away where we descended into giggles, walking aimlessly in the aisles, and ridiculing the drunk or stoned people frequenting the Sev at the early morning hour.  The 7-11 guys didn't care as we were frequent inebriated customers.  But damn were we having a blast just walking around 7-11.  Everything was so familiar yet so new at the same time.  It was as if the MXE made us aware of new sensations and feelings about occurrences and locales that we already had frequent experience with.  The subjective feeling gravitated between extreme inebriated disassociation and an almost godlike sensation of obvious yet encompassing omnipotence.  At some points in the night I was sure my companions and I were bound to take over the world shortly before I realized we were experiencing our usual AM stoney adventures albeit in an extremely warped and exaggerated perspective.
 After this first occurrence I did not locate another source for  a few months.  When I did I went on a respectably large binge of MXE with some LSD and 4-ACO DMT thrown in around it, this lasted for about 2 weeks.  During this time I felt as if I was on the verge of some kind of cosmic realization that only needed one more trip to break through.  I eventually came back to reality when I realized I was accomplishing little except for snorting large quantities of MXE.