Work or Struggle

Is it better to work 40+ hours a week at a job that is not rewarding and leaves little time for you to enjoy life yet, it provides wealth.  Or is it better to work a bullshit low-paying job 20-30hours a week and scrape by with less money???

The one option seems to take time and compensate this fact by giving you more money in the little leisure time you have.  While the second option leaves you with a lot of time but little money to spread around this free-time.

This is an internal struggle I am currently facing.

Trippy Song of the Day

x0xb0x Acid

I have recently purchased a x0xb0x analog synthesizer and it puts out a real fat and punchy bass sound sequenced by analog circuits.  The b0x is an MIT created clone of the famous later 80's base synthesizer, the Roland tb-303.  It can be utilized in all kinds of electronic music yet, is most famous for its use in acid house.

Living without Meaning

After realizing our self's inherent nature as the void or nothingness a gap begins to form between our mind full of desires, and our actual mystical experience.  Our whole life is spent chasing different desires down numerous paths that all eventually bring us back to our naked empty self.  Once one sees that meaning in life is self-created then we can begin to direct and star in an epic of our choice.  The despair that may occur once one realizes that there is no inherent meaning in life can be filled with self-created meaning that benefits both our self and others.

I know I've spent months paralyzed by the lack of meaning or direction in my life but these downs have slowly transformed into ups.  I no longer utilize effort to achieve my goals but rather, I get out of the way and life happens.  This new mode of living frees up willpower from its usual occupation as a controller of self and allows me to use the will for creative endeavors.

Rather than an all encompassing meaning overlaid over my life each moment presents its own unique meaning to my self.

Ups and Downs

Emotional stability seems to be a myth in my experience.  The self fluctuates from experiences of euphoria towards the opposite end of the spectrum of severe depression.  Although the self can remain aloof to these emotions it must learn to accept the passing lows while also, not clinging to the  ephemeral highs.  A lesson on the impermanence of any state brings the true emotional reality to bear.

Trippy Song of the Day

Chinese Memory

I work for a Chinese couple who are about 45 and I guess have been in the USA about 20 years.  They speak good English, the woman with an accent and a slight brokenness, the man with a great accent that almost resembles the slow drawl of an old dubbed Kung Fu film.  They have amazing memories usually remembers customers, order numbers, and every little detail about their restaurant.  I consider myself above average intelligence yet my memory cannot compete with their almost photographic capability.

I wonder if they are unique or if  many Chinese truly do have a better memory of details.  Especially numbers?

We're in Heaven

The only thing not there yet is your mind. Which has yet to realize that the struggle it is making towards a goal or goals and the progress that it experiences are all happening outside the mind.  Once the mind doesn't involve itself in trying to figure out where we are it becomes obvious.

Losing your Mind and Coming to our Senses

The mind is often called the final obstacle to enlightenment by many mystics and masters.  Attempting to fight the mind into submission only brings a stronger mind to bear.  The actual path towards freedom from uncontrollable chatter of the mind is a letting go of effort to subdue the mind and the allowing of the natural mystic merging that existence permits.  Osho, as always, describes the slipping into no-mind clearly...

When satori happens or when drilling stops and mind functions no more you may feel for a single moment that you have gone mad, but in fact there is now no possibility of going mad because only a mind can go mad. Now that the mind is no more you cannot go mad. For a moment the idea of madness may come to you -- because you have lived with the mind so long and suddenly it has stopped. You will be in an emptiness. That emptiness is very, very scary. It is like death. You are disappearing, losing identity. It is very paralysing -- for a single moment.- Osho

Thinking of this experience I am reminded of the scene in Kubrick's 2001: A Space Odyssey near the end of the film where dave shuts down Hal-9000's mainframe slowly but surely.  Hal slowly loses mental capacity before finally regressing into a childlike memory.  "I'm Afraid, Dave...I'm Afraid."  The fear that occurs during this experience is extraordinary yet coming out upon the other side, like Dave, we become something else...

A Change of Heart

This Blog has helped me reach a catharsis in my thinking along with self-therapy and I have come to the realization that this blog was built on an idea that has no real bearing in my inner-self.  The Blog will now be more free fun and random and will not try to achieve any idea, but rather, will continue to example my individual self for the internet to witness.